Pomeranianshipping, or, Pom in the Potty!
by DimentionQueen
Summary: Crackfic. Dark Zane attempts to remove the Pomeranian that has involuntarily been lodged in Aster Phoenix's toilet bowl; caboret singing and really bad chorus lines ensue! What on earth is a professional duelist to do? Pomeranianshipping Zane/Pomeranian


**Pomeranianshipping:**

_The pairing of Zane Truesdale (Marifuji Ryo) and a Pomeranian_

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There was nothing Aster Phoenix enjoyed more than snuggling between his 5,000 thread count silk sheets, especially after spending an exhausting day of being chased by adoring fangirls. And it stands reason to believe that if one "dishes out the moolah" to buy said sheets, one should enjoy them to the furthest soft-and-silky extent. So, ol' Captain Destiny crawled beneath the sheets, aú natural.

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Aster leaned over to his diamond-encrusted floor lamp and flipped the switch, bathing the room in darkness.

"Sartorius predicted that destiny would provide me with the most refreshing of beauty sleep…" Phoenix murmured as he closed his eyes, lying back on his genuine goose-down pillows. Unfortunately, not even destiny could predict what was to happen next…

**BANG!!!**

Aster's bedroom door flew open, lightning illuminating the frightening profile of the one and only Dark Zane. Despite the melodramatic entrance ol' Zaney strolled into the bedroom rather nonchalantly, a bloody axe swung casually over his left shoulder.

"What the heck are you doing on my yaaa…?" Aster's jaw slackened when he saw the bloody axe. "Better yet, _why_ is that axe dripping blood on my carpet? Do you have any idea how much it'll cost to get the stain out?!?"

"I think you are mistaken, Phoenix. I don't have a bloody axe." Zane swung the malevolent weapon behind his back in an attempt to shield it from view. Not that it worked too well; the leather-clad duelist now appeared to have the top half of an axe growing out of his head.

"Yes, you do! I saw you attempt to hide it behind your back!" Aster's left eye visibly twitched.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"That axe!" Aster leaped out of bed and yanked the axe from his hands. Zane cringed. That was way more of Aster than he'd ever hoped to see in his life.

"Oh, that. That's just my ketchup bottle axe. I find it mildly peevish when, no matter how hard you squeeze the bottle, you just can't get that last drop of ketchup out. So I carry around this axe," Zane replied rather coolly, "and I suggest you put on some pants, Phoenix. You don't want to catch a cold."

Aster squeaked and shot back into bed, yanking the covers up to his neck.

"And one more thing. There's a Pomeranian in your toilet. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"

"Whaaa…a…pom…eran…ian…?" The younger duelist turned a rather interesting shade of blue."

"A Pomeranian is a small dog belonging to a breed that has a long silky coat, pointed ears, a pointed muzzle, and a long curling tail. It's in the dictionary." Zane retorted.

"I know what a Pomeranian is, you dimwit. What I want to know is what the heck you are doing on my yacht…with an axe…chasing an imaginary fluffy little doggie… IN MY TOILET!!!" Aster, by now, was foaming at the mouth, like, well, a rabid…Pomeranian.

"I'm with a no-kill Pomeranian rescue center. What does it look like I'm doing, brat?" And with that said, Zane sauntered off to Aster Phoenix's bathroom.

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The duelist of darkness fumed as he raised his axe over the toilet bowl. This time, the Pomeranian would not escape his awesome might! Zane lifted the lid, swung his axe and…stopped? Staring back at him from the soggy depths of Aster Phoenix's toilet bowl was the most adorable thing the duelist had ever seen. Two big shiny eyes and a mess of wet fur whimpered a melancholy tune.

"What is this emotion…?" Zane murmured, as a warm, fuzzy feeling crept up his spine.

"My heart shall need some lotion…" he plucked the shivering Pomeranian out of the toilet and wrapped the mutt in his leather jacket, "when this _romance_ is throooooughhh!" By now, the professional duelist had broken out into a cheesy and horribly written love song.

The poor Pomeranian whined and covered his ears with his little paws.

"For I, ZANE TRUESDALE, am proclaiming my love for you!" Zane started to swing the doggie around in circles, while visions of flower fields danced in his head.

"'Cause I'm madly in Loooove with this Pomeranian," Truesdale and the jacket-clad Pomeranian were now performing dance moves resembling of a chorus line.

"I loooove my Pomeranian.

My cuddly Pomeranian

Who makes me oh so very happieeeee…"

Zane kicked, accidentally knocking a towel rack off of the wall.

"I shall marry this Pomeranian

My cuddly Pomeranian

Who without I'd be so melancholieeee…"

He ran back through the doorway into Aster's bedroom. Zane then jumped up on Aster's bed, preparing for the finale.

"I LOVE MY _POMERANIAAAAAN_!!!" the newly de-emoed duelist screeched, as he crashed through the bedroom window above the bed, and fell into the ocean.

Aster just stared.

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Pomeranianshipping is a little pairing of my own creation (I have a thing for crack couples, LOL); hope I didn't weird you out too much. Reviews, especially constructive criticism, would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and by the way, this story was inspired by a picture I drew; I shall post the link in my profile posthaste! XD


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